Check! Go!

Carbuncle Sam-legend, myth or fable-you decide. I yam what I yam, A sham in the cam, self-bought & abrupt, self-caught & corrupt, I yam the art of the scam. *** There hasn't been "home" or heart for over half a century. Which bathroom is this? Oh, yeah. The one with the bathaprompter over here. Let's see. . .One, check. Two, check. Three, flaunt the tresses, check. Four, tuck the neck flap under the collar, check. Five, decide who will be granted my opening game insult of the day. Check! Go!